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WORDS BYLINE: Vanessa Papas
A wife and mum from Florida shares on TikTok how she saved her sexless marriage.
When Jennelle Sherman, now 43, looks back on her marriage, she can't believe how close she and her husband Nathan came to signing divorce papers.
"I met Nathan at a job interview for a mortgage company in 2003. Eight months later, we got married at a courthouse on our lunch break," recalled Jennelle.
"Our son, Aidan, was born a year later. I was 23, and he was 31."
For Jennelle, the trouble began soon after Aidan was born.
"Nathan went into 'provider mode' and was mainly going to work, going out afterwards for drinks with friends (like we used to do), sleeping and watching football. His day-to-day life was relatively the same, although he had two more mouths to feed," explained Jennelle.
"My life, on the other hand, was completely different. I had given up my first real job out of college and was unexpectedly a full-time childcare provider for Aidan, who was hardly sleeping and constantly nursing. I was way down on Nathan's list of priorities. I felt resentment. He still got to go to work, talk to people, and go out for drinks, and I was stuck with somehow the lesser option or the not-as-glamorous life - being a mum. I was exhausted, lonely and growing more bitter by the day," Jennelle admitted.
It wasn't long before Jennelle realized the intimacy and passion she and Nathan once enjoyed had completely disappeared.
"After I got cleared for sex by my doctor, nothing happened for weeks," she recalled.
"I remember Nathan and I on my father's front porch kissing after a dinner date. It was the first time he had kissed me like that since Aidan was born - and our son was already six months old. It felt like we were so distant like we had become different people."
With Nathan never at home, Jennelle turned all her attention to Aidan.
"I signed him up for every class - music, mum-and-baby yoga - you name it. It was just me and Aidan, my little buddy," she laughed.
"But in hindsight, I know focusing solely on my son didn't help my marriage. I was using Aidan as a distraction from the rejection I felt from Nathan."
Jennelle's frustration boiled over into heated arguments as their marriage grew more strained.
"I brought our lack of intimacy up constantly," she recalled. "While I knew Nathan thought he was doing what he was supposed to do - work hard and bring home the pay check - I knew I needed more."
Jennelle continued: "I ended up going back to work, which helped a little, but after a huge fight, Nathan sold my wedding ring. We were on the edge of divorce. I thought it was over."
The turning point wasn't immediate. Jennelle openly acknowledges infidelity on her part.
"That's what woke Nathan up," she shared. "He realized the importance of making me feel chosen. It was a painful way to learn that lesson, but it changed things."
In 2008, they both lost their jobs, hit rock bottom financially, and sought help through counselling. Their counsellor was a Christian, which opened a new chapter in their relationship.
"We realized that we had walked away from our faith for different reasons, but coming back to God together was a game changer," Jennelle noted.
"We used The Bead Method by Mark Gungor to get back into a rhythm of being close. It wasn't just about sex - it was about emotional intimacy, too."
They also committed to several small, practical changes.
"We stopped bringing screens into the bedroom. No phones, no TV. We made time to flirt with each other, even if it was just a quick compliment in the morning or a playful touch at night. We started praying together, reading the Bible, and prioritizing our relationship with God. When you centre your marriage on Christ, everything else falls into place. We started going on regular date nights. We had to reconnect as a couple, not just as parents. We were committed to 'us' time."
Today, Jennelle and Nathan's marriage is stronger than ever.
"There were times when I didn't think we'd make it," Jennelle reflected. "But God showed me that our marriage was worth fighting for."
Her advice for couples struggling with intimacy after children?
"There is hope. Choose to make, what Gottman Institute calls, bids and receive bids, this can really turn things around and rebuild intimacy. A bid is any attempt from one partner to get the other’s attention, affection or support. It could be as simple as a comment, a smile, or a request for help. Gottman’s research shows that the couples who consistently turn towards each other’s bids are far more likely to stay together and thrive in their relationship," she concluded.
Featuring: Jennelle Sherman, Nathan
When: 23 Sep 2024
Credit: Jennelle Sherman/Cover Images
**EDITORIAL USE ONLY. MATERIALS ONLY TO BE USED IN CONJUNCTION WITH EDITORIAL STORY. THE USE OF THESE MATERIALS FOR ADVERTISING, MARKETING OR ANY OTHER COMMERCIAL PURPOSE IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. MATERIAL COPYRIGHT REMAINS WITH STATED PHOTOGRAPHER AND/OR SUPPLIER.**
2024-09-23
Cover Images/East News
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